Christmas!!

Thanksgiving begins my Christmas spirit! From Thanksgiving until Christmas Day, my radio will play nothing but Christmas carols, I will sing nothing but Christmas carols, and I begin thinking about my Christmas shopping. Yesterday, I hit Toys R' Us with my friend, Jessica from school. I ended up buying gifts for my neices, with I'm happy about because I find it hard to shop for babies. I always get stuff that's too either too old or too young, but she helped me, so I was happy!

Last night, Jamie and I put our tree up. We got a fake tree this year- figured it would be better fir our tiny apartment. However, it's very scraggly and just plain awful looking, so we're going to return it and get a real tree. We'll just find a small one.

Anyway, I am pretty bummed about something, but it's something I have no control over. I'm trying to focus on things that I do have control over. Things that make me happy. The thing bumming me out will happen over time, I just have to keep remembering that.

Weekend

It was so weird having an entire weekend with no work. I asked for weekends off at work, because this MOD (pediatrics) consisted of clinicals during the weekend. As disappointed as I still am, I have to admit, it was nice being able to sleep this weekend. To write. To spend some time with Jamie. Yes, I am still disappointed about not being in school, but I have talked to many people about it. People who aren't disappointed in me. I thought a lot of people were going to be, but som far, nobody is. I'm slowly getting over being disappinted in myself. Things happen and sometimes, we just need to move on. I'm going to continue my current "leave of absence" (that's my official enrollment status) with things that I enjoyed that I never got to do while I was so busy with school. The things mentioned aboved, but I'm also adding scrapbooking, karaoke, and catching up on reading to my list. I currently have 57 titles on my Nook. I've read 3 of them. Yup, I've got some catching up to do. :)

Life is Short

My heart is heavy tonight. I just learned that a girl I was friends with at TVI recently died. 30 years old. I used to think 30 was so old. Too old to begin a career, too old to have a baby, too old to discover a new hobby. It took me turning 30 to start believing that's not true. Just because I was 30 didn't mean that I didn't have a long future ahead of me. Now I'm questioning that. Life is short. It can end at 30. not just end, but end suddenly. I guess instead of planning for a long future, you should always focus on today. Live today as it may be your last day. You never know. It may be your last day.

Fight...

Well, my fight is over. I have nothing left to go on to get back in. I've talked to the Director of Nursing about the tests containing questions from outside sources other than our textbook and that the tests were advanced-level NCLEX style questions when none of us had an NCLEX preperation course. I've mentioned how the teacher got hostile if you asked her anything about any tests questions and how she would proceed to yell at me if I asked her about tutoring. I've mentioned how 12 out of 18 people were failing on the day of the final. Why aren't they listening to anything I have to say? Because I didn't email the Director to complain while all this was going on. The fact that I am not confrontational is biting me in the ass. The fact that I thought it would be like every other class I struggled in from this point on and expected the final to save me. I've learned my lesson. If anything like this ever happens again, I will send email after email of complaints. I will write many letters to the President of the school and to the Directors and the the admissions office as well. Never again will I be afraid of upsetting someone. I will be a fantastic nurse. I may not be a fantastic student, but having a 3.31 up to this point shows that I am not horrible either. I never before thought I could feel the overwhelming sadness I am feeling right now. Oh well, when one door closes another opens, I guess. For right now, I am putting the navy blue scrubs to rest and I am going to focus on Barnes & Noble for awhile. At least I can make some extra money while I wait for answers to my future.

10 weeks...

That's all I have left of school. In 10 weeks, I should be getting my diploma then study for the N-Clex until I am all cleared to take it, and get my RN license and become a nurse.

So I thought. Today I had my final in Acute Care. The past 5 weeks have been ultra stressful and guess what? I FAILED!!! I needed a 90 on the final to pass the course and I got an 85. Which puts me at a 78.1 for the course, when an 80 is passing. I'm out. I'm done. Basically, my only option is to hope someone in the class behind me fails out so I can take their place in January. I have no idea what I am going to do. It's been years since I've cried as much as I have this afternoon. But really, I went into this class with a 3.31 and then fail. By 2 pts. I am so pset, I can't even see straight anymore. Please pray for me. I really need to figure out what to do. A whole year of nursing school may have gone down the drain. An entire year, as well as $37,000 in tuition. I am so FREAKING OUT!!