Appt tmrw

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. My last period was June 21. The nurse is going to ask me if I've taken an HPT and I'm going to have to tell her no. Then she's going to insist I take one there and then I am going to be devastated because I know it's going to be negative. I haven't taken one because I'm sick of the disappointment. I'm hoping the heartbreak won't show on my face when she tells me the results. However, I am praying that the doctor will refer me to a fertility specialist. Yeah, Clomid may increase my chances of twins, but since I want at least 2 before 35, maybe twins will be a good thing. I regret waiting so long. Totally regret it.

Another MOD DONE!!

Got an A in pediatric nursing and had a great time at the clinical. Maybe I'll look into child psychology as a career choice. I did my research paper on anorexia nervosa and I got 100%. My teacher was impressed with it and told me it's very, very hard to get 100% on a paper in her class. So proud :) Let's hope Acute is just as successful. I'm scared, but I can do this. 10 weeks left.

32

In two weeks, I am going to be 32 years old. I know I should be happy. Another year of being alive- joy to the world! But truth is, I'm not. I'm not happy about turning 32. I am not happy about where I am in life. Haven't been happy for awhile now. True, I'm getting my education in line. Screw that worthless English degree that has caused me nothing by misery. I love nursing. After tomorrow, I only have 10 weeks of school left. 5 weeks of med-Surg III (the 2nd half of the class I failed and I'm hoping to get an A this time around) and 5 weeks of Dimensions. But that's not what is depressing me. The hting I want, I can't go to school for. And the doctor is refusing to believe there's something wrong, so she won't refer me to a specialist. The signs are all there though. I mean, I had a 73 DAY CYCLE! Average is 28. 73 versus 28. Sounds like somehting wrong to me. I used those pee on a stick ovulation kits everyday for an entire month. No ovulation. Hmmm.... doesn't take a genius to realize soemthing is wrong. But no, giving me Clomid increases my chances for twins and OH-NOES we would want that!!! I am beyond depressed and miserable. People tell me the same thing. "You're stressing too much. Finish school. You won't be able to get a job ppregnant. You won't be able to get a job with a kid. Be happy it hasn't happened yet." Make me puke BULLSHIT!!! I'm going to punch the next person who tells me I should be happy it hasn't happened yet. Especially if that person has a kid. I'm going to ask, "Is your life that horrible because you have one? If so, give it to me! I'll take care of that burden for you!" So many people like Casey Anthony (who I think is GUILTY) have kids all the time. So many people are pro-choice and people have abortions every day. Why do they get pregnant? Why is the universe so backwards? I can't have it because I want it so badly? Because I stress out about it? I just can't take it anymore.