Awful...

This has been a couple of awful weeks. Clinical sucked both days and not only did one of my classmates embarass me in front of everyone else in our clinical rotation, but my instructor hated me and told me she was passing me as a courtesy but I really need to get my act together and stop being afraid to bathe patients, change diapers, etc. I think I made a big mistake. I wish I could start over. I wouldn't make the same mistakes in life I have made. My life is one big mistake. I wanted to clean my apartment today, but I'm too depressed to even do that. I don't care if we get bugs; i'm going to bed.

I'm trying to write a research paper on whether or not violent video games contribute to youth violence. I am so stuck. I haven't written a paper since 2004 and I have no idea how to write my own thoughts without plagerizing. Why do I have to take all these English courses when I have my FUCKING ENGLISH DEGREE?? I wonder what lead tastes like. I'm thinking of swallowing a bullet.

Clinical

Yesterday was my first clinical rotation. At a nursing home. The most depressing place I have ever been in my life. Old, frail people. I was so afraid of hurting my patient, that I don't even think I gave her an adequate bath. I am really hoping I didn't make a mistake in choosing this as my career. I'm starting to have second thoughts, though. I am so upset right now and I don't even have anyone I can talk to. Everyone else in my class had a great time. They all got along really well with their patients and they all seemed so confident and skilled. They actually knoew what they were doing. I had no clue. I felt lost all day. When I asked for help, I felt as if people were talking down to me. When is my life going to go the way I want? I hope reincarnation exists. I won't fuck up next time.